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Are You Headed for Disaster?
When starting a new relationship, don't be so starry-eyed that you fail to recognize the obvious traits of an abusive personality. Remember that you don't have to become black and blue to be abused. If you answer "yes" to the majority of the questions below, turn to a counselor for help before the relationship turns on you.
- Your partner has a family history of abuse - he/she was physically or psychologically abused as a child, or the mother was battered by the father.
- Your partner has a violent streak or temper that's out of proportion to the incident in question.
- Your partner is basically contemptuous of women.
- Your partner has a fetish for guns and other weapons, and claims to keep them around to protect himself/herself from others.
- Your partner uses drugs.
- Your partner commits acts of violence against objects and things rather than people.
- Your partner drinks excessively.
- Your partner displays unusual jealousy and possessiveness when you're not with him/her.
- Your partner questions you about time spent away from him/her, or becomes enraged when you don't listen to his/her advice.
- Your partner has a dual personality. One minute cruel and critical; the next minute kind and loving.
- Your partner's emotions are in overdrive. When he/she is angry, he/she is a madman who's consumed by rage. When he/she is in a loving mood, he/she lavishes you with candy, flowers and gifts.
- Your partner's anger so frightens you that you try hard not to make him/her angry.
- Your partner considers himself a macho man.
- You sense that you're being treated abusively.
- Your partner's not above pushing or shoving you around when he/she is angry.
- Your partner's rough during lovemaking, or has physical1y forced you when you weren't really in the mood.
- Your partner's extremely critical of you.
- Your partner demands to know where you are at every waking moment.
- Your partner had a string of unsuccessful relationships or marriages.
- Your partner has very low self-esteem.
- Your partner believes all the myths about battering.
- Your partner holds traditional family values and feels that women are the 'weaker' sex.
- Your partner believes in male supremacy and the stereotypical masculine sex roles in the family.
- Your partner doesn't believe his/her violent behavior should have negative consequences.
- Your partner has an unusual relationship with his/her mother, which borders on love-hate.
- Most people think he/she is a real charmer.
- Your partner tries to control your life - what you do, whom you see, and what you think.
- Your partner frequently uses violent language and calls you obscene names.
If you answered "yes" to many of the above questions, you may be in over your head - a victim or soon-to-be victim of battering. While these tendencies are certainly not definite signs that a man or woman is a batterer, they indicate that he/she has the potential to become one. Don't take chances with your life and health. Get help now and avoid getting caught in the vicious Cycle of Violence.
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