Teen Essay Contest Focuses on Respectful Relationships

The following winning essays were submitted by Lennon Medvick (Home School student) and Jessica Craig (Enka High student).  Both teenagers received a $50 cash prize from NCGV and their essays will be published in the Asheville Citizen-Times.

WINNING ESSAY #1

     A respectful relationship cannot be achieved easily without continual work from both people in the relationship.  First, it is important that partners in the relationship consider each other equals.  Due to the fact that we live in a society where classism, racism and sexism are so common, it is difficult for people to feel as though they are good enough.  Relationships are also put into an unattainable (and for many people undesirable) stereotype in which you are supposed to fall in love, get married, have children and live happily ever after, but that's not how life will turn out for all people. 

     In a healthy, respectful relationship everyone involved must first realize that they may need to let go of preconceived notions about how relationships do and do not work.  They need to accept that the relationship requires hard work, may have difficulties and may possibly end.  Once people realize that they are not going to have a perfect relationship, then they can start to work on having a respectful relationship where everyone is happy and content. 

     Healthy relationships allow both partners to be able to say what they need without fear of the other partner becoming angry or hurt because of what they said.  It is very important that you talk about things and move your relationship forward at a pace at which everyone is comfortable.  There is also no point in a relationship where you are simply done having to talk or to work to keep the relationship moving forward; relationships require continual work even once you are married. 

     There needs to be freedom in relationships.  People need to be involved with other friends and other activities.  If you spend all your time doing nothing but being with your partner, then other things in your life will get neglected, such as family, work and physical health.  Therefore, it is important that people spend time with their partners, but to also take time to develop other relationships and have goals and plans they try to meet.  Perhaps it seems silly to have to state this, but it is also important that people in relationships together actually like each other.  If you don't like the person you are in a relationship with, then don't be in a relationship with them.  This concept is one of the simplest and most important things in a relationship. 

     Counseling can also be a healthy choice for relationships.  Instead of using counseling as a last resort to try and save a relationship, it is a chance for partners to sit and talk through their concerns and issues with an impartial person there to help. 

     While there may be many challenges to having a healthy, respectful relationship, it can be done.  If partners work hard, keep an open mind and have reasonable expectations for what may happen, then it is possible to have a happy, respectful relationship. 

                                                                    Lennon Medvick, 15 years old

WINNING ESSAY #2

     A respectful relationship means having someone to lean on, when you're broken and down.  It means being with the kind of person who will go out of their way to lift you back up and still hold you in high regard, no matter how far you have fallen, and the kind of person to make you laugh and smile no matter how badly you hurt.  When no one comes to your birthday or Christmas party, you know you can count on them to be there to make you smile.  If you come across a bump in the road of life and don't know what to do, they are the kind of person to help you through rough times.  It's not all bad times either:  it can mean going to the fair, and the movies, and out to eat, someone to go shopping with or watch the game on TV while eating popcorn and joking around.  It can mean having someone to play basketball, softball, football and many other games, no matter how bad or good you may be.  And it involves you as well, going out of your way to pick them up after they got fired, or hurt, or even to spend time with them, whether it is a brother, sister, mother, father, husband, wife or even a best friend.

     Once when I was not much younger than I am now, about maybe a year or so, I had a very close friend.  She and I did everything together.  One day she came to me sobbing because she thought she couldn't do anything right; her grades were low and her mother and father never spoke to or about her.  She told me she was ashamed of herself and disappointed in what she became.  I thought she was fine the way she was and comforted her.  We looked for what she was good at.  It turned out she had the most beautiful singing voice, so we worked together.  I helped tutor her and got her involved with teachers more and she joined chorus.  Her parents still don't talk to her much, but she's happy.  She has good grades and she sings better than ever. 

     And then a less than shining example of a respectful relationship was my parents.  They often fought and degraded one another.  My father often made my mother cry, and not being very emotional, would often leave for hours on end.  One day my father up and left us for another woman.  I'm not saying it's all his fault; my entire family forced each other over the edge bit by bit. 

     A respectful relationship doesn't always have to be between two people.  It can be how you think of yourself.  It can be your outlook on your own life; if you hate yourself, or the way you look, or even what you do, you don't respect yourself. 

     My definition of a respectful relationship is one that is trustworthy, reliable, and above all, helpful.  It means being with a person to lean on and to cry on their shoulder when needed, and vice versa--someone who takes pride in you and you take pride in. 

 Jessica Craig, 14 years old